Here’s the lowdown on what you need to know about me. My name is Ellen. I’m 22, 5’9”, have blue eyes and was born in July. I studied Japanese at university, and in my spare time I like learning how to kick things. Oh yeah, and I suffer from depression.
I’ve had depression since I was 14, but I wasn’t diagnosed with it until I was 20. Depression, not ‘I’m having a bad day and feel a bit down’ depression, but real ‘the chemicals in my brain are all screwed up’ depression, is a frustrating condition. It never really, fully goes away. So while I’ll go through periods where I feel fine and generally upbeat, there are also times where I feel so bad I can’t even get out of bed. And during those times, the only thing to do is learn to cope with it.
A few months ago I went through a particularly bad patch. I started sleeping 13 or 14 hours a day, comfort eating, and barely left the house except to go to work. For 3 weeks I stopped going to SOLO at all. It always felt like it would be too much to cope with, I didn’t have the energy or the drive, and I’d only get exhausted and make a fool out of myself in front the class. I was on the verge of writing to Dee and Darren and telling them I was just going to stop going altogether, cancel my payments, and hand back my gloves. I even had the email I’d send to them all planned out.
But in the end, even that was just too much effort for me. So finally, one Monday, I thought I’d try going back to SOLO just one more time, just in case, just to see if maybe I could cope. And I went, and it was like learning to smile all over again. The combination of exercise, and spending time with friendly, non-judgmental people, of learning that I still had energy, that I could cope with classes, and that my fears were all imagined, was exhilarating. At SOLO I found freedom from the bad feelings that were trapping me, and stopping me from enjoying my life.
For the previous few weeks I’d become more and more convinced that I would always feel this bad, constantly exhausted, and not wanting to do anything – certainly not trying to follow my dreams. But after 45 minutes of hard work and some serious pain, I realised I’d had what I needed in me all along. The energy was still there, along with happiness, and a renewed sense of determination to make something of my life. All I’d needed was someone to make me work, and show me I had it in me. So I went back, on the Wednesday, and the Friday, and the following week, and the following one, and recently I’ve been going as much as much as I can, almost every day. And every time I do I feel that little bit brighter, that little bit better inside.
I’m not saying SOLO is that answer to all my problems, or that it’s cured my depression for good. But going there helps me more than medication, more than counselling, and so much more than hiding away in my room. There are still days when I wake up and feel horrendous, when I want nothing more than to hide away from the world and give up everything. But then I go to SOLO, and run, and jump, and punch, and kick, and pray that Darren won’t be too evil tonight, because there is only so much that one girl can sweat, and I smile, and feel like I can cope with life again.
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
SMA provides all of the elements for my training.
As an A&E doctor, I have an exceptionally busy, challenging and stressful job. I work long, erratic hours which makes having a healthy eating and exercise routine a little bit of a nightmare. This said, I still have a ridiculously high energy level (as my housemates will attest!!) and I always need to have a positive focus into which I can channel excess energy (otherwise silly videos and photos appear on facebook!).
Up until two years ago I was an extremely competitive swimmer. I would train up to nine sessions per week (that’s about 18 miles) with the Newcastle masters squad and a local triathlon club. I loved the swimming, the club spirit and the fact I could eat and drink anything I liked. Sadly, due to recurrent injury I found my fitness and stamina dropping and weight increasing until I had to eventually stop swimming at the same level. I took up boxing at a local gym. It was great exercise and had a certain level of camaraderie, but there was always something missing. Now I’m sure that those of you who have got to know me over the last few months will be expecting me to produce a list of flippant and shallow things that were missing, but alas this is not the case. Fulfilment! (ah, you see, I can be philosophical sometimes!) That’s what was lacking. For me, exercise is not just about fitness and weight loss, it’s about global wellbeing; a feeling of emotional, physical and social challenge.
Now, I live opposite SMA and often noticed the steamed windows and the black clad people entering and leaving. Curiosity eventually got the better of me and I contacted some bloke called Darren. He was ridiculously enthusiastic about everything and suggested I come along and see for myself. That was February, and since then I haven’t looked back. It wasn’t until I started training that I began to appreciate just how much I had let my fitness and weight deteriorate. As I said earlier, exercise encompasses more than just weight loss and fitness. SMA provides all of the elements that are important to me. I’ve made some fantastic new friends, I’m more fulfilled, I’m much less grumpy, every session is different so I have variety, I have the goal of working towards the different belts, and for me, the best of all.......I get to see Darren pummel Craig at least once week!! Oh, and getting back to the superficial me, I’ve also lost a shed load of weight and size too (good times, bring on the beer!). SMA has become such a big part of my life that I can’t really envisage not being a member and not hearing that ear shattering laugh (and deliciously inappropriate humour) of Dee’s. I am however; slightly nauseous at the prospect of how much pain I’m going to suffer when I get back to training in the next few weeks (although Darren has assured me that he does indeed have a sympathetic, and possibly slightly warm and fuzzy side!).
I want to say Cheers to Daren and Dee for their endless energy and enthusiasm. We all appreciate that it has been an extremely sad and difficult few months for them both, but they have continued to provide motivation and support to us all with a humbling level of dignity and selflessness.
Luvs ya loads guys!!!
sas
Up until two years ago I was an extremely competitive swimmer. I would train up to nine sessions per week (that’s about 18 miles) with the Newcastle masters squad and a local triathlon club. I loved the swimming, the club spirit and the fact I could eat and drink anything I liked. Sadly, due to recurrent injury I found my fitness and stamina dropping and weight increasing until I had to eventually stop swimming at the same level. I took up boxing at a local gym. It was great exercise and had a certain level of camaraderie, but there was always something missing. Now I’m sure that those of you who have got to know me over the last few months will be expecting me to produce a list of flippant and shallow things that were missing, but alas this is not the case. Fulfilment! (ah, you see, I can be philosophical sometimes!) That’s what was lacking. For me, exercise is not just about fitness and weight loss, it’s about global wellbeing; a feeling of emotional, physical and social challenge.
Now, I live opposite SMA and often noticed the steamed windows and the black clad people entering and leaving. Curiosity eventually got the better of me and I contacted some bloke called Darren. He was ridiculously enthusiastic about everything and suggested I come along and see for myself. That was February, and since then I haven’t looked back. It wasn’t until I started training that I began to appreciate just how much I had let my fitness and weight deteriorate. As I said earlier, exercise encompasses more than just weight loss and fitness. SMA provides all of the elements that are important to me. I’ve made some fantastic new friends, I’m more fulfilled, I’m much less grumpy, every session is different so I have variety, I have the goal of working towards the different belts, and for me, the best of all.......I get to see Darren pummel Craig at least once week!! Oh, and getting back to the superficial me, I’ve also lost a shed load of weight and size too (good times, bring on the beer!). SMA has become such a big part of my life that I can’t really envisage not being a member and not hearing that ear shattering laugh (and deliciously inappropriate humour) of Dee’s. I am however; slightly nauseous at the prospect of how much pain I’m going to suffer when I get back to training in the next few weeks (although Darren has assured me that he does indeed have a sympathetic, and possibly slightly warm and fuzzy side!).
I want to say Cheers to Daren and Dee for their endless energy and enthusiasm. We all appreciate that it has been an extremely sad and difficult few months for them both, but they have continued to provide motivation and support to us all with a humbling level of dignity and selflessness.
Luvs ya loads guys!!!
sas
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